‘Babygirl’ Is Starting Conversations About Sex, Kink and Desire

In reviews, in theaters and in group texts pinging across the country, “Babygirl,” the erotic thriller starring Nicole Kidman, has proved somewhat divisive. Who has the power, Romy, the high-powered tech executive played by Ms. Kidman, or the 20-something intern, to whom she willingly submits? Are certain moments supposed to be sexy or funny? Is Romy’s kink — which involves being told what to do — even that kinky?

Audiences are far from agreement, but among some women — particularly those around Ms. Kidman’s age, 57 — these questions have been more than enough to begin titillating conversations about sex and desire.

“After the movie, some of the men were asking me if women really fake orgasms,’” said Elizabeth Robbins, 51, who watched the film with a mix of friends both male and female. In the movie’s opening scene, Romy dashes away to masturbate privately after faking an orgasm with her husband, whom she later cheats on as she explores an urge to be dominated.

“It was like, ‘Yeah, we do.’”

She said the group started asking themselves if they talk about their desires enough or if they talk about sex in a healthy way. When Ms. Robbins, an ophthalmic assistant in Boston, discussed this with two of her other friends — Elizabeth Pavese, 37, and Josephine Sasso, 47, with whom she hosts a podcast about erotic novels called the Lusty Library Podcast — the women said they’d had similar conversations with their circles after seeing the film.

“I went to see it with a friend last night, and the whole time we were whispering to each other,” said Ms. Pavese, who lives in Pawtucket, R.I. “We ended up having some conversations in the car home and learning a few things about each other that we didn’t know. It was pretty explicit.”

“It was like, ‘OK, we are at this level now,’” she said. “We were already fairly open with each other, but it does take a little bit of prodding.”

The film seems to be continuing the conversations women have had around “All Fours,” the novel by Miranda July published last spring that followed a 45-year-old mother and wife who embarks on a journey of self-discovery and sexual awakening spurred by an affair with a younger man.

In the months since her book has been out in the world, Ms. July has been inundated with messages from women sharing their own stories.

“Six months ago I would have said I am one of a million who was thinking about these issues in my own life,” Ms. July said in a phone interview. “Since my experience with readers over the last six months I no longer think I am unique.”

“Women are really good at spreading the word,” she added.

Recently, Ms. July created a Substack where she posts her writing and where people can gather to talk about “All Fours” — “not a book club! A place to talk about your own life,” she specifies. And some women have made their own hats that read “All Fours Group Chat” to signal to other women that they’re open to having a conversation not just about Ms. July’s novel but about the large themes it surfaces.

“All it takes is for people to say, ‘Oh yeah, this is me too,’ or, ‘You may be wondering if I think this is beyond the pale, and well, I don’t,’” said Ms. July, who recently posted appreciatively about “Babygirl” in an Instagram story. “Then it’s a new way of thinking and communication that has ramifications.”

These cultural moments can help people open up about their own lives, said Chantal Gautier, a sex and relationship therapist, who has a private practice in London and is a senior lecturer at the University of Westminster, and lessen stigma.

“We need to have more movies like this so we can talk about these topics,” she said.

Some women have been surprised by their friends’ willingness to open up after seeing the movie.

When Victoria Villegas decided to go see “Babygirl,” she assumed she would have to go alone. “I was afraid that none of my friends would be interested in it, or my boyfriend,” she said.

Before even seeing the film Ms. Villegas, 31, saw herself in the movie. Like Romy, Ms. Kidman’s character, she is into B.D.S.M. but said she had always felt shame about it, something she attributed to her Catholic upbringing. “Sex in general is already taboo, so having any wants or desires beyond the mainstream feels even more shameful,” she said.

But when Ms. Villeagas told a friend she was going to see it, he surprised her by offering to come along. “There was one point in the movie where I pointed to the screen and said, ‘I’ve been here,’” she said. “I feel a lot closer to that friend now that I know this is something we can talk about together.”

She’s also been discussing the movie’s themes with her female friends, including those who, like her, went to Catholic school and find it hard to open up about their sexuality.

“I am still floored over it,” she said. “Having a movie like this is a huge deal for me, because I feel like it’s been something you want to keep on the down low or not talk about.”

Ileana Melendez, 27, who works in advertising in San Juan, Puerto Rico, said even though she is a member of Generation Z, she still finds it hard to talk about sex.

“I think there is something really, really common especially among women who go through certain upbringings like religious ones where we are taught to demonize our own desires and sexualities,” she said.

She was particularly moved to see older women in the movie theater alongside her.

“There was a group of women next to me in their 50s and 60s,” Ms. Melendez said. “The movie got them talking.” By the end, she said, “they were like, ‘OK, she got what they wanted.’”

“I don’t know if they went through a transformation,” she added. “But they definitely seemed to have more of an openness to these experiences by the end.”